I am not the only Peter Robinson. There are various others, all of whom are imposters and should be ignored.
NOT ME: Peter Robinson the politician
Once, BBC Five Live phoned me at some ridiculous hour on a Sunday and asked if I wanted to go on air to discuss recent developments in Ireland. I quickly set them straight, which is a shame because if I’d had my wits about me I could have put forward some interesting theories on Westlife.
NOT ME: Peter Robinson the author
Peter’s Inspector Banks books are quite famous and quite successful. Sometimes I wonder how he must feel when he looks at his listings on Amazon and, along with the books to which he’s dedicated a significant proportion of his career, he sees Busted: The Official Book and the weighty tome that was my Popstars: The Rivals ‘inside story’.
NOT ME: Peter Robinson the cat artist
Peter is not an artist who is a cat – that would be ridiculous, as would calling a cat Peter Robinson be. In fact, Peter Robinson is a human being, whose name is Peter Robinson, who paints pictures of cats. I mean they’re probably alright if you like that kind of thing but let’s just say they’re not for me.
NOT ME: Peter Robinson the singer
In the 80s, a person called Peter Robinson enjoyed medium-sized pop success. I was not that person. The person who did all that went by the ‘nom de pop’ Marilyn. He had quite a good song called ‘Calling Your Name’.
NOT ME: Peter Robinson the shop
There used to be loads of shops called Peter Robinson. In fact if you find an old London A-Z you will probably see a ‘Peter Robinson’ at Oxford Circus. Sometimes, if I’m in town on important business, that will even be correct.
NOT ME: Porter Robinson the recording artiste
Although ‘Porter’ (IF THAT IS HIS REAL NAME) is not strictly a Peter Robinson, his presence in the world still upsets me. “Oh here I am with my exciting musical career BLAH BLAH BLAH.” In 2012, I was interviewing Calvin Harris and I mentioned my burgeoning feud with ‘Porter’, who at that point was looking global stardom in the face. Calvin just laughed and said “yes, good luck with that”. Well mark my words, ‘Porter’, I will reclaim my name from you. In fact I will reclaim my name from all the people on this page.
Have you seen or met another Peter Robinson? Feel free to get in touch but I’d rather you kept it to yourself to be honest.